You all did so BRILLIANTLY creating your middles…
Writing the middle part of stories is very tricky, but Team Carden totally delivered!
Writing the middle part of stories is often difficult, sometimes they are called ‘the soggy middles,’ because it is when the pace of stories can slump. Keeping the middles full of excitement, intrigue and mystery really helps to keep the reader hooked, ready for ‘the end’ of your story. And, OH MY WORD, you ALL really delivered on this! I was literally on the edge of my seat with your wonderful characters, twists and cliffhangers – desperate to know what was going to happen next! A sure fired sign that you all mopped up with this task. What I was most impressed with this week was the use of cliffhangers, which really kept the tension building. Excellent.
I could not be any more pleased. Massive pats on the backs all round TEAM CARDEN!
Here is some individual feedback:
I love how you have Dead Beatrice closing her eyes to locate the amulet she is after! And, ‘the fury in her eyes,’ you describe when she pinpoints it! Excellent description. You really did manage to get a lot in to your middle and even managed to end it on a cliffhanger! I was on the edge of my seat wanting to know what she had spotted in that restricted building – and desperate to find out what suddenly sprung out of the ground! Exciting stuff indeed! Can’t wait to read the end of this fantastic story! Well done!
Gosh, it was so brilliant to return and find out how Bob is getting on – the last we heard of him he was stuck in that vat of chemicals! Goodness me – he has changed, how amazingly strong he is now! Wonderful! I loved your introduction of Alex and his special gloves. Someone MUST stop Bob! My only hope is that Bob and his special gloves can do it! YIKES! Hugely looking forward to reading the end of this dramatic story. Excellent cliffhanger and amazing story telling.
Oo, I loved Diamond’s reaction when she spotted the Crown Jewels, ‘she didn’t blink for three minutes, her eyes widened.’ This pause and description really makes the reader know how much she wants these jewels. Fabulous!
Your story telling is brilliant too. I really enjoyed the lasers protecting the jewels and the child-sized ‘mysterious’ shadow ‘swooping’ in. I am totally hooked!
Can she save the day? I need to know!!
Perhaps next week, in the ending you could expand on her stopping Diamond as the finale? How she does it, and the guards entering? What do you think? – Maybe it could also involve Diamond’s weakness… MUSTARD! I can’t wait to find out!
I love how you have Bob hanging out in New Look! But then… WOAH! Bob the Bush has gone completely mad! His bush disguise is a great camouflage isn’t it? Great creative writing and thinking. A massive thumbs up!
Oo, I love how the world outside has changed so much. The jets ‘zooming’ past and towers falling down. You have really upped the steaks and your descriptions create atmosphere and tension. I loved how the crystals ‘duplicated’ (excellent word 😊) and became a portal – such dramatic stuff! And what a fabulously exciting entrance for The Black Knight. Goodness me, I can’t wait to find out what happened in the end. A great middle! Excellent!
I loved your descriptions this week; ‘stumbling blindly,’ and ‘dazed by the indescribable beauty of the orb.” Beautiful writing! I also loved the heavy iron gates at the orphanage… But, then, Sinthea Star gets caught by something slimy grabbing her arm! YIKES! What a totally BRILLIANT cliffhanger to end the middle of your story. So impressed with all this and excited to discover what happens next!
What a lovely set up to the middle part of your story – and a fabulous cliffhanger at the end of your very first paragraph… ‘todays adventure could ruin her life…’ I am instantly hooked. I have noticed throughout these tasks, that you are really brilliant at these intriguing openings! Fabulous.
Oo, I love your new character, ‘Sir Quentin the Geko!’ and how part of Snaky Sasha’s ‘evil face,’ is to put on false eyelashes! Ha!
Your use of speech really added to your story too, especially Snaky Sasha’s trademark “Sssss’s!”
I really enjoyed your build up using sound affects at the end, as someone unknown enters the house. Sensational – you have set up for ‘the end’ of your story perfectly. Fantastic!
I loved how you moved this story on. Tiggy Tiger was trying to be so nice to everyone – but someone has uncovered her BIG secret! A great cliffhanger and sets us up nicely for the climax next week – I can’t wait to read how this all ends! Huge congratulations!
You did so brilliantly this week! I loved your idea of Stealer Sam being afraid of water – a really great weakness! And then, just when he gets back the pen he is after… OH NO! more water!! Great. You did exactly what I asked of you. You created a fantastic cliffhanger and kept the pace moving – truly FABULOUS work! So creative. I wonder if his pet mouse Bubbles will appear in the ending. Either way, I am very excited to find out what happens next!
This is a GREAT middle! Congratulations! It is full of action and tension that left me on the edge of my seat! I want to know if Jack’s dad is going to be alright? Is he going to be able to contain Marv until the SWAT team get there? YIKES! – I am really hoping he can! A great cliffhanger – leaving me full of excitement to discover the ending next week! Excellent!
Great idea getting Mal to try to get the enchanted bracelet in this middle section of your story. I am also a big fan of disguises, so loved the dressing up as an old lady bit. Brilliant! Plus, I adored your description of her, ‘croaky dry voice,’ – perfect! Oo – but Mal really does mean business, doesn’t she? I am really worried for cheerful Zoey now – I do hope she can come through it all safely. Yikes! I can’t wait for the final instalment. Brilliant!
Wow! I love how your middle goes straight into the action! Brilliant. Deigo only just managed to overcome those monsters, didn’t he? And Deathsythe was seriously cross. Perfect.
This battle is fantastic, and best of all, you have totally set up the story for the dramatic ending. MORE MONSTERS! Great! Love this!
Oh, it’s such a pleasure to return to see how Mysterious Mark is getting on! I absolutely adored your historical setting, to me it adds SO much atmosphere! From the horse-drawn carriage, to the stormy weather, to the horses galloping along that red brick track with the stolen Sarsen Stone. I was completely captivated. Totally brilliant!
Then, I find Mysterious Mark heading to Stanmer Park to find the standing stones – TO COMPLETE THE CIRCLE! I felt totally breathless about this idea. It is SO FANTASTIC! I want to know what will happen when that last stone is put in place?!
(‘Rocky Clump,’ is this a real place at Stanmer? Wonderful. I have visited a Rocky Clump in Hollingbury, but I didn’t realise there was another one?! (perhaps we can chat about this when we all gettogether at The Dome?)
And, your ending of ‘the middle,’ gave me chills … someone else is there in the darkness. I can’t express how brilliant I find your ideas, writing and tension-building. Blown away! FANTABULOUS!
I LOVE your magic pen – I really want one! I also thought the addition of a magic rubber on the pen’s end was a great idea, so you have the ability to erase anything that you need to. Fabulous.
Your amazing cliffhanger totally took me by surprise… it’s DEADLY DAN!! Yikes! I am so looking forward to the ending! EXCELLENT.
What a brilliant start to your middle, this line is fabulous: ‘…the Red Knight was coming for the sword, but little did he know his nemesis was round the corner, lurking in the shadows…’ This sets the scene perfectly and is jam-packed with tension. Huge congratulations! I really am super impressed with your work. I also loved the heavy breathing you put in, and how the lights went out leaving everything so pitch black that Jake couldn’t even see the walls! So atmospheric and tense – I was biting my nails! What a cliffhanger!
I love how your middle is based around this super important football match between arch rivals ‘Bullies FC,’ and ‘Police FC.’ So brilliant – what great team names! You excellently set out just how important this match was to both teams, and also did a fabulous job of keeping the tension building by keeping the reader clear on the scores. Fabulous stuff!
I LOVED that the weakness potion had been purchased on EBAY – this made me chuckle! Brilliant!
I thought your story telling this week was spot on – and I can not wait to hear what happens in the end! EXCELLENT WORK!
I loved the imagery of Billy Buster putting on that black coat to go looking for the magic football – I could really picture it in my mind. A great detail, that really drew me in to the story. I LOVED the stranger snatching the ball before Billie could get to it – I really want to know who he is! And you managed to leave the middle part of your story on a great cliffhanger – Billy rugby tackling the stranger to the floor. You nailed this task. A fabulous ending to your middle that sets your story up perfectly for the ending. Great stuff. Huge congratulations!
What a fantastically visual opening to your middle. “Tragic is flying, he decides to do a loop the loop as he lands back in the forest.” BRILLIANT – I can totally see this in my mind.
I love your description of the “creepy, dark forest,” too, where he can hear all those strange noises! And then, just before he gets hold of the trophy itself, a “huge beast,” is waiting! Yikes! – and I absolutely loved the creatures “beady eyes,” watching him.
I think it was a great idea to end your middle on a battle scene. It has left me literally desperate to find out what happens next. Totally awesome work.
That’s it from me. Your middles were FANTASTIC! I can’t wait to find out how your fantastic stories conclude!
TEAM CARDEN ROCKS!